She's At It Again

I'm not sure where Bella learned to box but she is quite the adversary when she wants to be.  This dog just doesn't understand the concept of letting me sit on the couch by myself.  It is fine in the evening while watching TV or reading a book for this 90 pound baby to sit in my lap.  When I am trying to crochet or drink a much needed cup of coffee after a long day with the kids and this four legged monster, I want to chill.  I want to be allowed to sit back, take a few leisurely sips and watch Criminal Minds, Days of Our Lives, Sons of Anarchy or maybe even Jeopardy without a tail wapping me in the face, paws digging into my thigh, or a rock hard skull smashing me in the jaw.  When I get to a point of making her remove her bulk from my person is when she decides to turn into Mike Tyson.  She starts with only one paw but is pretty good at switching it up when you least expect it.  I have been hit in the face before I can even get my hands up by a left, right and another left paw rendering me a not so savvy opponent.  At this point, the dog usually turns on a little swagger like "In your face bitch" and climbs over me shoving me with her back paws back into my corner of the couch so she can proceed to nap.  Within two minutes of these one way battles, she is normally snoozing across my lap and my coffee has turned cold since I am not able to drink it with her big head in the way.  My husband wonders why I go through so much coffee!

Bella needs to be touching me at all times, she missed that memo too; The Importance of Personal Space.  If I am at the island in our kitchen, her paw needs to be in my lap, her head needs to be resting on my arm, or she is standing with both feet on the island licking my face.  That third option is normally self-serving.  She is trying to take a bite of whatever I'm eating. 

If I ignore these gestures of doggie affection, the gloves are off!  Here come those giant paws!  "POW!! Right in the face!  This morning I got up pretty early and got Brie off to school.  I was sitting on the couch folding towels and organizing my days work because Debbie, my mother-in-law was coming over for dinner later this evening.  Needless to say, Bella wanted the face cloths to run around with.  I let her take one and went back to folding.  I had three piles neatly folded and ready to go back in the basket to head upstairs to their pertinent closet destinations.  Bella decides she wants to sit in the basket.  Picture a 90 pound Great Dane trying to fit in a 2x4 foot basket.  Granted it is a pretty good sized basket and holds 2 to 3 batches of folded towels, but she is just not the right fit.  As I am putting towels in and shooing her out, she decides to grab the basket in her teeth and take off with it.  "OH HERE WE GO!"  She only goes about three steps and slams the basket into the wall. 

Apparently her depth perception is not that good.  The basket was not going through the doorway into the kitchen which really set her off.  As I'm trying to grab the basket she is tugging on one side and me on the other.  Growling, snarling, and using her paw to assist in battling me she decides to suddenly let go.  Here I go sprawling backwards and on my butt again.  This dog loves to injure me I swear!  She leaps over the basket which I now use as a shield only to get slammed in the chest with  the dog on top of the basket.  Squished basket and squished me! Lovely!!!  Now to add insult to injury she decides to smack me in the head with a giant paw.  Ouch!!!

OK. Now I'm beyond aggravated with the Queen of Sheba!  I get off the floor, adjust my glasses which are now sideways on my face and proceed to yell at her to get out of the living room.  I will skip the explitives because being under two years old, I never should use that language in front of her.  "BAD MOMMY" is all I was thinking.  I put all the towels back in the basket and lean over to pick it up to lug it upstairs and "SMACK" from out of nowhere I get a big paw right across my right cheek.  Bella is next to me up on the couch now talking up a storm.  She is indignant and insulted that I took the basket away from her.  This dog thinks she has rights like a human. 

I picked up the basket and she puts her head right in my face!  We are now almost eye level (she is taller) and I'm pissed! I told her to knock it off, I have a lot to do and she needs to leave me be to get things done today.  I told her I wasn't kidding and she was going to end up on the chain outside for the day.  Normally the word "chain" makes her pretty pliant but not today.  She woofs in my face and throws herself back on the couch so both feet are ready for battle.  This dog looked so funny at that point that I let my guard down and laughed at her.  BIG MISTAKE!  Bella sends one big paw smashing into my face knocking me back a bit and the intended affect worked.  I wasn't laughing anymore.  I slapped her foot and with the other one she sent my glasses flying right off my face.

Now this wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have extremely poor eyesight.  I couldn't even see the damn dog anymore; she was just a big gray blur.  Trying to find my glasses without crushing them was a challenge but after about 2 minutes I got them back on my face.  My screaming and yelling, threatening her with a drive to the dogpound worked because when I got my glasses back on, she had curled up in my assigned corner of the couch.  She knew she was in trouble and I am happy to report that for the rest of the day we had no further incident.

I'm just hoping when Debbie got here Bella wouldn't decide to start Round II.  Our visit went off without a hitch.  She jumped on Memere a few times but very gently since she stands about a foot taller, this was very very important.  She actually behaved herself the whole time.  The only problem is, Bella decided to come visit us tonight in the dining room which she has been very careful not to enter since she almost broke my candelabras in the window chasing the cat a few months ago.  She got into enough hot water then to be very leery of entering that forbidden zone.  Unfortunately for Suzie; "She's Back".  Now the poor Cat will have to find a new place to lounge.  I think I learned my lesson too - I shouldn't have wasted money on new glasses.  The smartest thing to do with this dog is keep my contacts in at all times.

Come back soon to see how Bella is treating her family.  Thanks for checking in and sharing.