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Deal of the Day

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

All I Want For Christmas...

     As some of you may know, Matthew and I are expecting a baby in June of next year. Everyone is very excited about this but the little ones are really taking advantage of my bouts of pregnancy related woes. By little ones I do not mean the children. I mean our four-legged children. This would be Bella and Suzie. I am not sure what has gotten into either of them lately, but they are absolute terrors; both of them. My animals realize there is something not quite the same with Mommy and they are using every lacking ounce of energy I have to get into trouble and wreak havoc in this house. My wonderful husband is lucky enough, lately anyway, to be on the road during the week so he misses most of the drama. He comes home and both of these little shits act like they are innocent little angels. It annoys me to no end!!! I started taking pictures and texting them over to him so he can see the spoiled creatures in action and he wouldn't think I belong in a looney bin.

     I understand children act out when there is a major change in their lives and a new baby can bring on some stress and uncertainty but our two-legged kids are thrilled. They are quite helpful, compassionate and understanding when I am having a hard day. Sean and Brie are both very happy and excited to meet their new little brother or sister next summer, but these animals think they can run me over like a Mack truck when I am having a bad day. My new-found exhaustion and morning sickness is giving our four-legged children the notion that they can run hog wild and do whatever they please.

     Suzie has taken to actually knocking the garbage over and inspecting it for herself on a pretty regular basis. This cat is around seven years old and has never done this before. She manages to get her plump little rump on top of the dryer and dives head first into the garbage. I was not sure who the true culprit was; she or Bella, but the other morning I came downstairs for a drink around 4 AM and there she was, my fat little butterball of a cat walking out of the laundry room batting around an empty yogurt container. She proceeded to put one paw inside while holding it steady with the other one and started licking the yogurt from her paw. I could not believe my eyes. I stood there stunned because I had been blaming Bella for weeks. I kept reminding the kids to shut the laundry room door so the dog would not get into the garbage while we were sleeping. It did not occur to me that it really could not have been the dog. Bella sleeps upstairs in our bedroom and I would hear her get up and go downstairs. My Prego brain just did not register that fact.

     The dog is not innocent though, by any definition or term.  She has decided that it is her right to lick the kitchen island as she pleases, steal food if it is something that she wants and again, started sticking her whole big head in the freezer to get her ice cubes. She is supposed to wait for us to throw the ice cube to her like a regular treat but has decided she will get her own. This is so gross! I do not want dog drool on my ice cubes. We have to be careful that we block her way when we open the freezer. Twice in the past week I have had my hand slammed in the freezer by Brie who is aware of this problem and is "helping" me get the ice really fast to keep Bella's head out of the icebox. All I can say is "Damn Dog"!!! Now I really need ice for my hand not my water!!!

     I have resorted to Time-Out for the animals, as we used to mediate to the kids. Sean actually had a little time-out chair when he was small and Brianna used her little recliner. The rule is one minute for each year of the child. Suzie gets seven minutes and Bella gets five. I know the dog is not five but it is just not fair that the little hellion gets less time than the cat when she gets into more trouble than the cat. Both of them ended up in time-out recently because, again, I think they were working as a team to throw off me and the kids so they could hijack dinner leftovers. I had made baked chicken, potatoes and corn. It was a very simple, tasty meal that the kids enjoy. We were finishing up dinner when the two predators starting circling. First we heard the baking dish scraping across the island in the kitchen so I immediately got up and peeked around the corner to see Bella licking the side of the dish and using one paw to try and push it towards the end of the counter. I guess she figured I would not hear Pyrex hit the floor. My dog is not very quiet when she is confiscating food. I screamed "Bella get the hell away from that counter right now!" She was so busy trying to accomplish her task that she had not noticed me coming. Startled, she took off for the living room and jumped up on the couch, "sitting ladylike" as if she did not know why I yelled at her. In the meantime, her partner in crime had gone into the dining room and was busy swiping chicken off of Sean's plate while he was cleaning up the counters in the kitchen. Brie was beside herself giggling up a storm watching the cat across the table from her steal the chicken right off of Sean's plate.

     To say I am fed up with these two little monsters is an understatement.  Thank goodness for winter coats for dogs because Bella is just too large to put into a cage or crate. Her punishment is to go outside on her chain for five minutes. Now you say, "Hmmm, outside on her chain for five minutes is a punishment?"  It is because this Prima Donna of a Pooch hates the winter weather in New England. I have never seen a dog pee so fast in my life. In the cold weather she goes no further than the side of the front porch. She squats, pees and dives right back to the door barking to come in. Five minutes to her is like two hours for another dog. By the time her five minutes are up, she is literally howling like a coyote and scratching at the door as if the Hounds of Hell were after her. Anyone driving by would think someone is trying to kill her. It is so embarrassing. She is such a big baby!!! Mind you, I do not put her out with no protection from the elements. She wears her fleece coat for these time-outs. I am strict but I am not cruel.

     The other problem child is not so lucky. She avoids the cold but her time-out is more confining and a wee bit longer. The trick is to catch the feline to get her into her time-out. We still have Bella's crate that she was sent to us in from her first Mom. It is where the cat gets to spend seven minutes whenever she acts up. She is not as loud as Bella but if you get close to her while she is in there, you would think she is a rabid squirrel. She tries to bite you through the cage! It is funny because she cannot get her head out to do so but tries her darndest to get your finger. I make sure Brie is not bothering her when she is in there because it is not nice for the two-legged child to tease the four-legged child when she has done something wrong. I also know this cat will get revenge on Brie if she irritates her too much. Once Suzie gets off of her punishment she bolts upstairs and we do not see her for the remainder of the day. It is her way of protesting, I suppose.




     Even though I have put the hammer down on these two little troublemakers, I do not see an end in sight. No matter how many times I try to correct their behavior, they continue it. Bella has gotten to the point over the last few weeks that if we do not give her table food she refuses to eat her dog food. She gets hamburg mixed with honey and garlic salt in her dog food every day. To turn her nose up at cooked hamburg is really making a statement. I swear she is protesting via hunger strike. This is her new thing. I do not like having my hand forced so she better start getting the picture that I am the boss or she is going to be one of those anorexic looking dogs you see on TV. Trust me, she is not starving but she refuses to eat so the kids and my husband feel bad for her and keep giving her table food. I cannot break her bad habits if I have no support from the rest of the family. Do they not understand they are reinforcing her poor behavior?

     She is the most stubborn spoiled dog I have ever known. I have to get back to my child right now though, because she is laying here barking at me from over on the couch and I cannot think straight, let alone try typing with no errors! The kids just went upstairs after having their snacks for bed. She is letting me know that she wants a snack too. I was thinking tonight I may have a Granny Smith apple sliced up and dipped in peanut butter. Looks like Bella is having the same thing....well I cannot let her simply starve. I guess if you can't beat'em then you give in. That seems to be the popular vote around here anyway where the Big Blue Dane is concerned. All I want for Christmas is two well behaved animals! I have a better chance of getting a new SUV at this point. Goodnight all. Baby George is getting restless, Mommy is getting hungry and sleepy, and Bella is getting angry as usual.

Check back soon to see how the troublemakers are doing. If I cannot manage another post between now and Christmas, everyone have a wonderful holiday!!!

Merry Christmas from the George Family and the Big Blue Dane!!! 



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